The Journey is the Solution

Why the Path Through Anxiety Leads to Your True Self

I almost died when I was 18 years old, alone in my dorm room at the University of Dayton. At least that’s what my body told me in the moment.

All of a sudden, I was jolted out of my desk chair with a sudden, overwhelming surge of panic. I remember feeling the color red flash, almost like a car’s hazard lights, except these were flashing inside of me only for me to see. DANGER. DANGER. DANGER.

My arms started trembling, my heart started racing, I started sweating profusely, I felt out of control, and I knew something was terribly, terribly wrong.

My brain was telling me, “You are dying. You are not ok. GET HELP IMMEDIATELY.” Except I couldn’t move my body. I was trapped inside with no control over my body while my mind was racing telling me this was the end.

In that dorm room, my mind/body connection was severed and I learned I could no longer trust my body. And worse yet, my mind would not protect me when my body attacked.

It’s tough to articulate the profound impact this had on my 20s and 30s. I’m still learning the links between this severed mind/body connection and my alcohol abuse, anxiety, apathy, failed relationships, and more.

It took years to understand that simply managing the symptoms wasn't enough. I realized the path through this wasn't just about feeling less anxious day-to-day, but about embarking on a deeper journey to understand why my system was so reactive. I discovered that this journey itself held the key – that the journey is the solution.

What is Anxiety?

In the simplest terms, anxiety is your body’s alarm system alerting you to danger. It’s a natural response to threats and can manifest both as mental and physical symptoms.

The challenge is that our internal alarm systems, designed for ancient threats, are often miscalibrated for modern life. They were developed hundreds of thousands of years ago in our amygdala to alert us to dangers like saber tooth tigers when we lived in caves and interacted with plants, stones, and dirt.

The cave man’s brain and alarm system was not created to handle millions of stimuli a day and still function properly.

Our internal alarm systems have become overly sensitized and our brains are constantly trying to alert us of saber tooth tigers when we’re just walking around the grocery store or sitting in an office crunching numbers in Excel.

Through all of modern life’s requirements just to live, how are you supposed to know how to relax your stress and anxiety, your alarm system, so that you can comfortably live your life?

Step 1: Calming Your Alarm System

The first step is to recalibrate your overly sensitive alarm system. This involves practices that help calm the nervous system directly. While some are common sense like eating well and exercising regularly, others are lesser-known but very effective.

There are several practices that have helped me to better manage my anxiety.¹ All of these practices are science-backed and you can find the research that shows their benefits². Here is a brief description of how I practice and my experience:

1. Hot yoga: I do hot yoga three times a week in a ~105º yoga room and it’s the quickest way I’ve found to turn off my thinking mind. It’s an hour-long meditation that forces you to focus on your breath and it’s especially helpful for those that struggle with regular meditation. It’s one of the most difficult activities I’ve ever done, but I always feel great afterwards and it’s helped me to increase my golf driver swing by 5-7 MPH³.

2. Meditation: I’ve meditated 3-5 minutes every morning for a few years now via the Headspace app. It’s helped to put some space between most stimuli and my response, allowing me to be calmer and less reactionary.

3. Breath work: I generally utilize breath work practices like box breathing and the double inhale, long exhale to help center myself and reduce stress and anxiety in the moment.

4. Journaling / Writing: I journal every day, practicing gratitude in the morning and writing about my day, feelings, and emotions at night. And if I’m really going through something, I’ll pull out a separate journal to write down whatever is going through my mind and work out my feelings.

5. Cold plunging: I cold plunge or take a cold shower for 1.5-2 minutes, five days a week. It’s not fun. It doesn’t feel good in the moment. But I can honestly say that like yoga, you are grateful afterwards that you did it and I notice less anxiety throughout the day.

6. Supplementation: If your diet isn’t the best, you’re most likely not getting vital nutrients that can affect your stress and anxiety levels. I’ve found these to be helpful for me: Quality multivitamin, fish oil, Vitamin D3/K2, magnesium glycinate, zinc, creatine⁴, colostrum powder, and electrolytes.

These practices were crucial for calming my nervous system, creating the foundation needed to begin the deeper journey of self-discovery – which brings us to Step 2.

Step 2: The Journey Begins

While the above strategies have helped me to reduce my baseline anxiety level, they hadn’t changed my relationship with it. They don’t provide me with the deep understanding that I can thrive because of my experiences.

But something else has.

My journey of self-discovery has changed my relationship with anxiety and allowed me to deeply connect to self. I now possess a deep knowing that I can handle any anxiety that comes up.

The journey is the solution.

It wasn’t until I chose to do the internal work that I was finally liberated from my fear of anxiety, of not having purpose, of not mattering to this world. I was willing to go deep inside myself and learn why I am the way I am.

This was where therapy and a focus on Integrated Family Systems (IFS)⁵ has been transformative for me. A quick overview of IFS from Gemini:

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach viewing the mind as comprised of a core Self and various "parts," including different types of "protectors"—like proactive Managers and reactive "firefighters"—which arise to shield vulnerable parts from emotional pain.

Therapy has challenged me to take a magnifying glass to my innermost world to reveal the protector parts and learn how these parts have shaped my life. And to learn to love these parts because they were only there to protect me from what I couldn’t handle.

I’ve surfaced some remarkable insights since starting therapy. For instance, inside of me, there’s still that 18 year old boy who suffered the traumatic first panic attack. To avoid having that traumatic experience again, I had a Manager part that developed to keep me out of situations where panic might come up and it’s one of the reasons why I haven’t traveled much, allowed others to drive me places, or why I wouldn’t leave the house when I was having hangxiety.

Now, whenever anxiety and panic comes up in my body, I can talk directly to that 18 year old boy and let him know he’s safe. I can be the loving, calming big brother I wish I would’ve had at the time to help me through that experience.

Once you do the work to connect to your truest self, your protectors quiet down⁶. You start to feel safe in your body. You start to understand what matters most to you. And your alarm system will finally allow you to live the life you deserve.

Through this journey, I finally connected to self. And I learned that the journey is the solution.

Connecting with your true self isn't an endpoint, but the beginning of a more authentic life. I encourage you to take one small, courageous step today to understand your inner world.

I will be posting weekly on topics related to anxiety, panic attacks, alcohol abuse, and finding purpose. Please subscribe below and walk this journey together.

1. I’m not a medical professional, so do your research before trying any of these, consult your doctor, etc. But these have worked for me.

2. “Don’t trust, verify” is one of my general philosophies and it comes from Bitcoin’s unofficial ethos. I can post study after study, but that’s not fun for me and I’d like you to do your own research so that you’re totally bought in.

3. I’m a golf nerd and improving is a constant focus for me.

4. Creatine is the most researched supplement in the history of supplements and its strength and stamina benefits are well known. However, over the last few years, there is new research starting to show neurological benefits to taking creatine as well.

5. A great introduction to IFS is Gabrielle Bernstein’s latest book, Self Help. She does a great job of explaining IFS and how it’s changed her life.

6. I’m discussing this journey through the lens of my experience with therapy and IFS. Everybody’s story is different and there are numerous ways to connect to your true self that don’t specifically involve therapy and/or IFS. Or these might just be small pieces of a much larger integrated journey. Your journey is yours, after all.